The feminine genius of maternity

インデックス作成: 2026-05-22

[00:00:02]Good evening. Good evening everybody.

[00:00:05]It's wonderful to see all of you. I hope you can hear me loud and clear. My name is Dr. Patricia Morogami and we are here for the women of substance. I can't believe we just started the other day and we are already getting to the fourth the fourth session. You know, I'm opening up my notes here and just looking at how this journey has been.

[00:00:28]And I hope it has been great for you. I hope you can actually tell us where you're dialing in from in the chat so that we have a great experience together when you think about maternity. What comes to mind? What comes to mind?

[00:00:43]Because this idea of feminine genius and the maternity that comes with each and every one of us is an important thing for us to talk about. May is a special month in many many ways. It is the month where we celebrate Mother's Day. A and for a long time I had a kind of a different sense of what a mother meant.

[00:01:05]And I remember um as we waited to have children it was agonizing and I kept feeling like I was less than because of not having children. But what I have realized now is that you can be a mother from the womb and a mother from the heart.

[00:01:23]And I actually think a mother from the heart is even more critical because I have seen mothers who somehow are not accepting being a mom in one way or the other because of some experience they've had. I've also seen mothers who chose to actually dedicate themselves to God and to the furtherance of a mission, a divine assignment. And so there are mothers. They are more available. Some of my mentors have chosen to live a celibate life so that they can be available to us to help us to form us to mentor us so that we can truly become who God created us to be. And so today's session is about the feminine genius.

[00:02:10]And I'm not sure whether you know where the idea feminine genius came from.

[00:02:14]Perhaps I can ask you to just put in the chat where you're dialing in from and what you think feminine genius means.

[00:02:23]What do you think feminine genius means?

[00:02:25]I know this is a session for women of substance, but I also welcome families and men and all people who feel they want to become uh people of substance.

[00:02:36]So, as much as this is hosted by women of substance, I'm welcoming our brothers, children, godchildren, husbands, parents to all join in and have this conversation. Excited to see a number of you. Just tell us where you're dialing in from so that we can get a good assessment, a good sense of where you're at and and as we go along, you'll also put in your questions. This is live on YouTube so that we can have the reach and you have a chance to also watch it after this.

[00:03:05]So for the longest time I used to wonder this idea of femininity and feminism.

[00:03:12]What's the difference? What's the difference? And I struggled for a long time and in fact my doctoral research is around women in leadership. A lot of the work we've done is around getting women to get onto boards to get into spaces.

[00:03:24]But there's a distinct difference between femininity and feminism.

[00:03:30]And the concept of feminine genius is most strongly associated with St. John Paul II, especially through his writings. And as I was looking through his writings on the dignity and vocation of women, what stood out for me is he actually has a letter to women. And I'm I'm going to share it on the WhatsApp group and my references to today's session. And at its core, feminine genius refers to the unique gifts, sensitivities, strengths, and the bouquet of the ways in which women are able to see and nurture the human person. And this, it doesn't matter what career you have, you'll find that women have four types of feminine genius.

[00:04:18]Today, we're going to focus on maternity. But before I get into that, this idea of feminine genius is not about superiority. We are not more superior than the men. No. As a matter of fact, it is to compliment. And so we are not fighting. We're not bashing the men. No. None of that. It's about complimentarity. It's about the dignity of the human person. It's about humanity and the distinct ways women help humanize the world.

[00:04:47]A couple of years ago, I got into trouble in a number of spaces because I said the future is not female. And I'll reiterate my belief that the future ought not to be female. The future should be more human and more humane with both men and women contributing to the furtherance of a human spirit positively. And so to do that, you'll find that there are four elements of feminine genius.

[00:05:16]There is sensitivity, the ability to tune in. When I think about some of my friends, I just say, "Hi." They're like, "But what's wrong?" Even before I say another word, they're already sensitive to that. And I just want to honor all those friends. And you'll find that that sensitivity comes with even young daughters, young nieces. Mommy, what's wrong? You'll find your daughters, those girls will actually notice it even more.

[00:05:45]sensitivity.

[00:05:47]Then there is receptivity. The ability to be open to life. And I'm going to talk a little bit about that later when we think about maternity. Receptivity.

[00:05:57]How open are you to life? And openness to life is multiple things. But I think at the core of it, it's being open to who you are meant to be. It's being open to what the world is showing you and throwing your way. and embracing it and working through it as opposed to being rigid with our fiveyear plan. I had a friend who had a fiveyear plan and she's like, "This plan has to go like this. At 25, I should meet the love of my life.

[00:06:29]At 28, I should be married. At 30, I should have baby number one. Baby number two at 32. Baby number three at 34. Baby number like that." She had it all mapped out until life happened.

[00:06:44]And one of the challenges that my friend had was she was always saying why is life not going according to plan but who cheated us that life has to go according to plan. Instead of thinking about how it goes according to plan, I want to encourage you to think about it from the perspective of how open am I to the richness and sometimes the richness is painful. The richness, the spontaneity and what life brings my way. And can I continue to develop my ability to become a woman of substance, to become a person of character for the men, a man of purpose, a man of character, a man of substance, no matter what challenges are coming my way.

[00:07:28]And then there's maternity.

[00:07:31]There's maternity and that's the one we're going to focus on today.

[00:07:36]So if you think about feminine genius, maternity is not only biological maternity but spiritual, emotional, intellectual and relational maternity.

[00:07:49]This is the idea that we can notice the other human person. We can nurture another person. We have the capacity to do so even if we may opt not to do so.

[00:08:01]We can nurture growth in others. We can protect dignity.

[00:08:07]We can also cultivate relationships.

[00:08:10]We can create belonging. You can carry life from the moment of conception. And most importantly, you can help others flourish.

[00:08:21]So if you think about these ideas, so I've talked about receptivity, which is openness to life, sensitivity, tuning into the other person, maternity, which we're going to focus more on, and the fourth one, generosity, self-giving, love, service, nurturing, and sacrifice. A friend of mine the other day was just complaining how, you know, her husband snores a lot and all that, and then the children were like, "Mommy, you can just sleep in another bedroom." And she's like, "No, no, in fact, let us find out how we can help him." And actually, love has a way of making sure that I don't really tune in to the snow. She told them. And the children went there just saying, you know, please really. But later on, they thought, "Wow, this is what maternity and generosity means. Self-giving, being of service, while yes, taking care of yourself, but taking care of others."

[00:09:16]So this idea of maternity that we'll be talking about today goes beyond child birth. It goes into mentorship, goes into leadership, goes into emotional presence, coaching, encouragement, prayer, creating lifegiving environments, and helping others become whole.

[00:09:38]Helping others become whole.

[00:09:41]So all of us women are called to develop our feminine genius.

[00:09:48]And so if you think about it from that perspective, let's now then turn to talking about maternity. Yeah, maternity.

[00:09:58]You see, uh I'm reminded of some incredible mothers, beginning with my mom, who has been so loving and caring right through her entire life, continues to be so and for me is the ultimate role model. So I want to give my flowers to my mom. My mom in love in the family I was married into always praying for me always asking checking are you okay what do you need you're traveling somewhere let me cover you with a prayer may you go and change lives in that country you know I have been very blessed to have a mother in love not a mother-in-law who has truly embraced and loved us loved us loved me and loved everyone in that home equally But today I also want to bring to the four a mother who's our mother. No matter what kind of mother you've had, we have an ultimate mother. And because this is the month of May, I think it's so important that we talk about Mary, the mother of God.

[00:11:11]The mother of God who said yes out of faith. And no wonder we then had Jesus Christ and as a result we are all children of God.

[00:11:23]The mother who if just the other day during Lent Good Friday if you watched Passion of Christ if you went through the stations of the cross you realize how painful would it be to watch your son been crucified.

[00:11:39]Hey, so for any of us who are mourning mourning the loss of a dream, the loss of someone, the loss of a relationship, I want to encourage you to lean lean into our mother Mary because she actually had the experience and she had the experience of knowing what that looks like, what that feels like. And even if it was for perfect God and perfect man, she still was the divine one without sin but really human in loving our Lord as her child.

[00:12:17]So today I want us to think about where and how this maternity can be lived. I'm going to start off with biological maternity. This is the gift of carrying physical life.

[00:12:30]carrying physical life from the moment of conception.

[00:12:35]So when is the moment of conception? I think it's a mystery. I think it's a mystery. We can say I think I conceived on this day or what but really it's a mystery and I think our Lord in his divine wisdom has allowed that to remain a mystery.

[00:12:50]Honor it beautifully. the biological maternity.

[00:12:55]I think I'm heartbroken when I listen to the statistics that we've been hearing from some of the medical professionals that um the rate of abortion is highest with married women.

[00:13:08]Breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that for whatever reason a married woman is put under such pressure because no one ever wants to abort.

[00:13:22]Nobody. It is always because of the circumstances, the inability to find another solution, the pressure on them because of the circumstances of what is going on. And as a result of that, they end up committing murder because abortion is murder.

[00:13:40]And so today I want to encourage us because we'll all be near somebody who is contemplating doing this.

[00:13:48]I want to acknowledge that each of us has a different journey.

[00:13:54]I also want to acknowledge that some of us may have gone ahead and done that out of pressure and to seek forgiveness so that you don't cry. I remember a friend of mine and she told me Pat please tell them tell them because you have a platform she committed that particular uh action of abortion and she tells me to date and it's many years later she still can hear the cry of that child.

[00:14:26]So she says there is always a solution.

[00:14:29]And I just want to encourage you if you or another woman somewhere is struggling with a decision to abort, they are now homes who will take that child. There are so many in my own journey of uh secondary infertility.

[00:14:46]adoption was going to be an option.

[00:14:49]And I was like, I thank God when we started looking at the homes where we were considering adopting, I remember thanking God that those mothers did not abort those children. Yes, it's true.

[00:15:00]Some of them were thrown out and then then sisters would pick them up and take them to their home, but they did not abort them. And everybody from the moment of conception has a divine purpose.

[00:15:14]Even if they are born sick, they are born with a different ability. In Dubai, they don't call them people or with disabilities. They call them people of determination.

[00:15:26]Ah, I love it. I love it because they are so determined to get through life irrespective of the challenges they face. So we can tell there are people who are blind, people who can't hear, people who can't speak, people whose limbs can't move. But we also have a hidden one, neurode divergence, where we have people who are autistic, people with ADHD, people with um uh oppositional um disorder, all that whole range on the spectrum. And today, earlier on, I was talking to some of um our clients. Shout out to those ladies.

[00:16:05]They know themselves igniters and I was telling them we are living in historic times in times where you can listen to a podcast you can get a specific expert who will help you understand what this condition looks like. So I just want to encourage you this idea of the gift of carrying life is so important. Honor it beautifully but do not make it the only expression. What do I mean by honor it beautifully?

[00:16:36]Since we know that the gift of having a child requires us as women to then be intimate with a man, I want to encourage you, safeguard your purity like the mother of God. Safeguard it. Let no one have access to it unless they put a ring on it.

[00:16:59]Do not get into come with stay situations. And if you're in that situation, take it to church.

[00:17:05]Marriage is three, God, you and your husband.

[00:17:09]So safeguard that gift of biological maternity. And if it's God's will for you to have those children, do it in the right way in that sense. And if you're called to be celibate, do it also joyfully. We'll come to that in a minute.

[00:17:26]I want us to now think about spiritual maternity.

[00:17:30]one of the ones that I love the most because you can be alive and you can be the walking dead. You know that until you meet an encourager. You meet someone who will help you see a different perspective. They breathe life into you through their words. And so spiritual maternity I think is where Mother Mary, the blessed virgin Mary really exudes every level of standard of excellence, so to speak, if we use leadership language.

[00:18:00]And Mary nurtured Christ physically, but also she physically nurtured and formed others through her presence, through her prayer, through her surrender, and through her faithfulness.

[00:18:15]I want to encourage you watch the chosen. It really depicts the the life of Jesus. And so spiritual maternity re includes many things. It includes praying for others by name. I'm always amazed when I meet friends who tell me part I pray for you by name because the work you're doing requires a lot of energy.

[00:18:39]Someone else saying, "I pray for all my friends children, my children's friends by name." And I'm always like, "Wow, how do they do that?" Just take a notebook. Like I have mine here. I have a list of people I pray for. I have a list of specific intentions. I have a list of friends who are praying to get married. I am very happy. We are taking them one by one. Out of vanity, we shall wear the fascinators. But frankly, I'm more interested in them finding their purpose in marriage if God wills and then we shall go and celebrate.

[00:19:16]So spiritual maternity includes carrying other people in your heart. One of the things I learned many years ago is how to offer up. So you have a tough assignment, you have a tough project, you're doing it to the best of your ability. And I remember when I was doing my doctorate, some chapters were so tough. I actually would say the next one hour I'm working on data analysis. I'm going to offer this up for so and so who has asked me to pray for this. So your work becomes a prayer. So we're not being called to go to church and spend our days in church. No, we're being called to do our best and in a sense sanctify the work that we're doing. So mentoring, interceding for others, interceding for others that you can pray on behalf of someone who's not able to pray. When I look back in my own life, I remember times where I couldn't pray. It was so hard. And I would tell my friends, you pray for me, I'm just not able to even utter a prayer. My prayer is just silence and tears. In the event that you're going through a season like that, you have an opportunity to actually ask people to intercede for you.

[00:20:28]Nurturing souls, that's nurturing character and values. Creating emotional safety. These days it's called psychological safety. But emotional safety, the space where someone can tell you what they feel and what they think without being penalized as long as they're telling you respectfully and honestly.

[00:20:47]Do you create emotional safety at home?

[00:20:50]Or like some of us, you know, there there are ages where if you try to say what you think, the sleeper will follow you wherever it will follow you. Pop.

[00:20:58]Huh?

[00:21:00]But I think we're now learning that parenting is not just about slippers.

[00:21:03]And telling people, I do not want to hear a word. You know, it reminds me the other day we're thinking about maternity as a friend of mine was telling me how she would look badly at her children when they are visiting and they misbehave. and and she thought they would get the message like we did cuz then your mom gave you that look. You just knew you better shape up. But these kids these days, they said, "Hi mommy, what's wrong with your eye? Why are you tweaking tweaking like this?" And she was like, "We have to upgrade how we nurture these children's souls. We have to read. I'm reading 100 books this year." And one of the things when I look at the books I'm reading possibly 30% of them are about parenting family reparing um our our growing our aging parents and and for me I'm learning that you know parenting children is is a very different ballgame now because they have a third parent otherwise called the phone right and so when you know that then the question is how can I continue because the competition is really stiff now that compared compared to a time when really it was your parents, your aunties, the people who actually you had physical access to. It wouldn't be someone in Atlanta, Georgia who's talking about a different way of looking at things than that's reshaping how I think. It's also guiding others towards growth.

[00:22:25]I think you're a mother. If you've done any of these, you have helped someone grow further. So my question to you, who is becoming whole, more whole?

[00:22:35]Who is growing more because of having you in their life?

[00:22:39]Who's growing more because of having you in their life? The third, maternity.

[00:22:44]Emotional maternity.

[00:22:47]This is the ability to create lifegiving emotional spaces. You've ever been to spaces where you feel like your energy was being sucked out of you. Those are life finishing spaces.

[00:22:58]An emotional maternity I must say has everything to do with something we talk about in a program called Brides for Life Wise for Life which I think is coming back uh in a couple of months season 15 or 16. And I remember we started that program soon after I got married and many of my friends we just got married and we were like hey this marriage idea we' put so much focus into our careers but perhaps two weeks of premarital counseling for marriage which I was not planning to change you see you know a job you can change it and I thought why don't we then invest in a program and that's how brides for life wives for life was born it runs for a couple of weeks we meet on Saturday mornings We've had a global audience and the first module I teach the first one designed it but I have other faculty from rice school and breakthrough and a shout out to all the faculty who've been part and parcel of this particular program. One of the things we talk about is the power of the tongue and the power of the tongue that the words that we say can either breathe life or can cause death. the death of people's dreams, the death of people's ideas, the death of people's perspectives, the death of even their ability to speak. Because by speaking to them in a way that was kind of negative, you actually finish them off. And it's very connected to emotional maturity, our third kind of emotional maternity. So maybe the question is to ask yourself, how have you used your tongue today? To build or to break? In our program we actually noticed that there are 16 ways of building using the power of our words and there are six ways in which we break amongst them critical spirit you are so critical cynical cynicism sarcasm sarcasm is there's someone who told me she's fluent in sarcasm when I asked her which is this language these languages you you you say you're good at she's like English kiswahili French and sarasim I said ae what you have the guts to say you are fluent in sarcasm as if that is a good language to be talking but you know we talked it we spoke we spoke that language and if you didn't understand sarcasm it was your problem but I just want to encourage you sacasm is not the way to go so ask yourself how have you used your power of your tongue today to build or to break are there places where you could have just been quiet and by being quiet you are able to help move the needle forward are there places you've been quiet and you should have spoken up. Conversations that you should not be allowing to happen because you know better. You know better. You know that this jokes on this WhatsApp group, I have to say something. So say it. Say, "I do not like these jokes that are always dirty, impure, bringing down women, tribal. Please let's stop." And you first write to the person, inbox him separately or her. And if they don't listen then you bring it up in the in plenary.

[00:26:02]That's one way.

[00:26:04]What about ethics? There are spaces where things are happening in your office. You know it's unethical and you just keep quiet.

[00:26:12]So check check emotional maternity check nurturing. Are you a naturer or a controller?

[00:26:21]Are you being present or are you performing?

[00:26:26]And do you have emotional availability or are you busy busy busy in the business of life?

[00:26:34]Then there's intellectual and leadership maternity.

[00:26:39]Women also mother through teaching. A shout out to all the teachers.

[00:26:46]The ones who broke a a ruler on my hand as I was being punished. But thank goodness for that because my English then became A1. the ones who would tell us, give us tons of homework, the ones who understood, the ones who didn't feel like they understand it, but they all played a role. Shout out to the teachers. Shout out to human resource professionals. I think we've just celebrated international HR professionals day. They do a lot and they're the unsung heroes in a lot of times in the offices. People bombard them with all their problems and somehow they have to make it work. Those who are coaches, international coaching uh week is happening has been happening and so coaches who are there to help you move forward.

[00:27:31]Leaders who are wise wise leaders, sages, wisdom mentors, sponsors. These are people who speak about you in rooms you have no access to. All these people I'm talking about can form part of your personal board of directors.

[00:27:48]Those who develop others even quietly, those who open doors. Many of you women of substance have shared this link with a lot of people just so that they do not miss out. You're opening a door for them and those who create opportunities. On women of substance, we have a jobs corner. We have a marketplace and the goal is to try and create opportunities for more people. What about you in your space? A woman can mother a team, a culture, a vision, a younger or even older generation, and a movement. Which of those are you mothering today?

[00:28:26]Fifth, selfmaternity.

[00:28:30]One that maybe you haven't thought about, self-maternity.

[00:28:34]Many women nurture everybody except themselves.

[00:28:40]How many of us know people who've gone through burnout? It's no longer a badge.

[00:28:46]Who mothers the woman who mothers everyone else?

[00:28:52]Who mothers the woman who mothers everybody else?

[00:28:57]And I think that's such a powerful question. And as I was reflecting on it, I wrote down the women I know who are always taking care of everyone else.

[00:29:06]many of them my friends because you know show me your friends and I'll show you who you are isn't it and I was just thinking about this whole idea of mothering others and neglecting yourself and today I want to talk a little bit about self- neglect self- neglect and self- betrayal um I've learned a lot from our children down to even basic things you know being able to really focus on specific things that they've committed to do. And maybe it's because we thought about things differently. We saw things differently.

[00:29:44]Basic things like just taking care of your skin, just your skin.

[00:29:48]Just cleaning your skin every night, cleanse, tone, moisturize, eye cream, and then even just a basic thing like oiling your feet.

[00:30:01]small things that show acts of self-care and selfmaternity.

[00:30:08]You've had a rough day at work.

[00:30:12]Journal the things that didn't go well.

[00:30:13]Get them off your chest.

[00:30:16]I've learned from some of my older friends that you have to diarize when to meet your friends. Otherwise, if it's not intentional, the the friendships just die. As a matter of fact, in the 40s, one of the things that I've realized in the 40s is that the 40s are very revealing. They show you the areas of self- neglect vividly and you start to pay the price for them. But it's also a time you can selfcorrect because perhaps the self- neglect and the lack of self-maternity happened without us realizing it because the seasons of the 30s and 40s are very intensive from a nurturing and maternity perspective. You're nurturing a career.

[00:30:57]You're nurturing possibly children.

[00:30:59]You're nurturing a spouse. You're nurturing siblings. It's a lot. Easily you forget. Some of the best points of advice I've received from some very wise mothers is to actually create time for rest.

[00:31:16]In Nairobi, in Kenya, this last two days of Monday and Tuesday, we were on lockdown. And as we couldn't move, I reflected on 2020 2021 when the whole world was in a lockdown.

[00:31:29]And I was reflecting on something that I learned from my dad is never waste a good crisis. A good crisis is a hard crisis. It's a crisis that challenges you to wake up, to change, to pivot, to grow, to reinvent.

[00:31:43]And I I was looking back at my care practices, you know, and saying, what do I do to take care of every aspect? Let me allow you to think about five aspects of care that you can do for selfmaternity. Physical care, the thumb physical care. So this is the five finger model that I developed many years ago. There's a video on our YouTube that you can watch and in there we talk about five fingers. So every time you look at your fingers, ask yourself, what am I doing to nurture my physical well-being?

[00:32:16]What am I doing? So whether you're resting enough, sleeping, exercise, um, hydration, whatever it is, make time for that and make time for it early in the day so you can get the benefits through the day. I think one big one for mothers, mothers are healed to be fast to rise and last to sleep. Well, that shows a lot of diligence. I just want you to ask yourself, are you sleeping tomorrow? Meaning, are you sleeping after midnight? And if you're sleeping after midnight, I just want to encourage you, try and bring half an hour earlier today, another half hour, another half hour. So, finally, we try and get to sleep around between 9:30 and 10:30. So, the melatonin that helps us get really good sleep can actually be be created. Also when we think about the hormones that are that actually are regulated because of our sleep you'll find that a lot of hormonal imbalance has happened because of lack of proper sleep deep sleep and irregular sleep patterns. The second finger intellectual intellectual what are you doing to sharpen your mind to ensure that your mind is taken care of. This doom scrolling is actually reducing our ability to think. So ask yourself if I am going to go on Tik Tok because we must watch a few Tik Toks here and there. I am putting a timer and after that it shuts down. That's it. Right?

[00:33:44]Excuse me. So I want you to ask yourself what are you reading? What are you learning? That course that you started finish it and in doing so learn to have a critical mind critical analysis to solve difficult problems. I recently visited a friend of mine and they have the 1,000 pieces puzzle. I was like, "You only have 10 pieces remaining." I was like, "How did you do this?" They said, "It gets you learn to focus. You learn to concentrate. You learn what it takes to build this puzzle. Thousand pieces.

[00:34:17]Third finger, emotional. What are you doing to nurture your emotional your emotional well-being? You're always angry. You have an aura of war. Huh?

[00:34:29]There are people who by the time the mom is hooting at the gate, they scampering for safety. Even the cat knows.

[00:34:37]Let me use that hoot. Uhhuh. This mom is on a war path. Is that us that we say that it's so bad that people just hear you coming, they disappear?

[00:34:50]I think it's time to check your emotional nurturing and then spiritual.

[00:34:58]Make time every week, every day to nurture your soul because that's part of the selfmaternity.

[00:35:06]For Catholics, try and get to see the priest for confession every week. You know, I was telling my kids, I am looking for the priest. They're like, "Mommy, when you seen how often?" I'm like, "I have very many sins." And the more you go for confession, the more you realize you have internal sins, even a sin of a thought. I thought badly about so and so. And they're like, I then I told them, you do shower once a year.

[00:35:26]They're like, okay, 10 nil, 10 nil. I said, it's the same thing. The soul requires a cleanse, a deep cleanse. So yes, we pray every day, but what if you just got a bit of the people go to the spa every week that you actually went for a soul spa where you get confession and then a longer one like a retreat where you then have an opportunity to really go deep taking care of your of your spiritual and lastly financial your budgets, your investments. Do you have a dashboard? It doesn't matter how much you earn. It is what you do with that money that matters. And when you see it from that end, five areas that you can actually determine your selfmaternity, I want to encourage you. If you're broken, find somewhere to get healing.

[00:36:15]If you're exhausted, ask for help. If you are feeling your life is so porous, raise your boundaries.

[00:36:23]If you are feeling, I need to recover from that issue, find the support you need, the therapist, the doctor, whatever you need. If you need to reflect, make time. I just want to some honor some of my friends who at points when I was so exhausted, I'll tell them, you know what, let my kids visit you for a day or two just for me to just rest a little bit, recover, and I'll return the favor. What about us? Do do we have friends, other mothers who really know and they're not judging your exhaustion?

[00:36:57]And lastly, how do you renew yourself?

[00:37:01]Make time for your hair. H this external things are a external reflection of what is going on internally. It is not vanity to make time to look good, to take care of yourself. The body was given to you and you're a steward of your body.

[00:37:20]So if you flip the intention, it moves from being vain to being a form of maternity, selfmaternity.

[00:37:29]And as you think about that, when you think about these five aspects of maternity, let me just take a couple of ideas from mother Mary.

[00:37:39]Lessons from blessed virgin Mary.

[00:37:44]Mary teaches us presence. She stayed when everyone's comforted for safety.

[00:37:50]She stayed at the foot of the cross. And by the way, she stayed with two other Marys. Mary Magdalene, who's like my hero, who was the public sinner who transformed once she interacted with our Lord's mercy. So there's no sin, dear ladies and gentlemen, that cannot be forgiven. What is important is to have the remorse. the remorse to actually feel I must let go of this behavior.

[00:38:18]Mary teaches us surrender. I'm the handmade of the Lord. Be done unto me according to your will. Surrender. Many of us women are tight on control like this. H so you can never open your hands to receive.

[00:38:36]Surrender. Surrender. Yes. Have the vision. I am expert in teaching vision boards, selfmastery, personal strategy.

[00:38:44]But in there have a space for receptivity, surrender and we can learn that from her. Mary teaches us something which I call quiet power, feminine genius per excellence. She didn't need to shout. She didn't need to bang tables. At the wedding at Ka, what did she say? Do whatever he tells you.

[00:39:08]Huh? Do whatever he tells you. And with that, they had the best wine ever.

[00:39:16]Reflection. This is a big one for me.

[00:39:19]It's one I've been trying to learn from our lady. Pondering things in your heart. Hey, she pondered these things in her heart.

[00:39:28]She didn't go to gossip. She didn't go to vent. She pondered. She took them to our Lord. God the Father prayed over them and said in due course I will understand why this is happening.

[00:39:44]Blessed Virgin Mary. She shows us service.

[00:39:49]She shows us courage. How many of us have ever had the experience of losing a child? You know I see those posts going around on WhatsApp. This child was last seen. I just say a prayer. A prayer for the child. A prayer for the parent who must be losing their mind.

[00:40:05]Mary and Joseph go to the temple.

[00:40:08]Their child is a prein 11 and all of a sudden they think they were with those relases and what that was not the case.

[00:40:19]So when they finally find Jesus, he says, "Didn't you know I was in the father's house?" First of all, in the beginning, I thought, hey, you don't think that's a bit, you know, um not quite polite and I'm like an African mom. What would you do if you told that? You certainly would not respond with the courage that our lady responded with. But you see all these gifts, that's why she was without sin because all of us are with sin and that's why we respond in the way we do.

[00:40:52]Nurturing without controlling. That's what I learned from that experience.

[00:40:56]of the blessed virgin Mary with her son Jesus Christ. And lastly, carrying purpose with humility. I don't know about you, but if someone came and said, "You're going to carry the the the you're going to carry um the son of God." Hey, the posts, hey, I'm on my way to carrying the son of God. Posting reals every day. You're just giving updates on how this pregnancy is going.

[00:41:22]Our lady has taught us differently. You don't have to shout about everything.

[00:41:28]In fact, the best kept secrets are the ones that are kept out of the social space, media space. So Mary's power was not loudness.

[00:41:40]It was quiet power that was based on depth.

[00:41:44]And so today I want to ask you who are you currently nurturing with your life beyond biology? What kind of life flows from your presence in any of these forms of maternity?

[00:42:03]So I want to end by asking you what questions might you have for me on how we can live this maternity even better.

[00:42:11]Please put them in the chat. I welcome your comments. I see a lot of people dialing in from Kenya, Nairobi, Killeshua, Kikuyu, Nairobi West, Nairobi. I'm now open to receiving any questions you have around maternity.

[00:42:28]Thank you.

[00:42:30]Any comments? What has stood out for you? What it is that you feel you really need to work on harder?

[00:42:37]as I welcome the comments. Some people actually had a chance to send me uh DMs on the side. So, I'm going to then respond to those. And someone asked me, "How do you live maternity in this modernday business?"

[00:42:54]Modern day business where just managing is recipe for burnout. Yeah. And I mentioned and I want to respond to that question because I think many of us may be in that spaces that kind of space. So let me talk about a couple of systems uh before as I welcome the comments and questions. So lifegiving systems is what I want to talk about that help women nurture and leave this maternity I've talked about without losing yourself. I don't want you to lose yourself and I don't think God wants that either because very many mothers and nurturing women, leaders, mentors, caregivers are exhausted not from a lack of love but from a lack of systems. And the work that we're doing now at Breakthrough is about helping you develop systems. So systems for you women who are living the genius of maternity in one form or the other across the five forms. Spiritual systems, let's talk about those ones.

[00:43:53]systems that keep your soul grounded.

[00:43:55]So, a morning prayer routine, quiet reflection time, prayer time, scripture reading, journaling, rosary walk, prayer moments, gratitude practice, pilgrimages. So, the question I want you to ask yourself as you think about the systems you have, what keeps me spiritually filled while pouring into others? That's a question to ask yourself. Ask yourself, put it in your journal. Another system, emotional systems.

[00:44:26]These are systems that reduce emotional overload, which I think a lot of women suffer from. So, what are some systems you can build? Weekly check-ins with yourself. This is one of the things I'm trying to implement just a weekly check-in. And when I can do it daily, even better. Sometimes I'll combine it with an examination of conscience. What went well today? What didn't go well today? what can I do better tomorrow?

[00:44:51]And if you think about it from that perspective, I have found that that weekly check-in will help you see, I didn't like my interaction with so and so. I don't think I I responded there. I reacted. I don't think I used my prefrontal cortex brain. I used my lizard brain out of survival and out of being triggered. H I need to do something there.

[00:45:11]Boundaries around availability. Must you be always on, always available to everyone?

[00:45:17]Maybe this is something you can work on.

[00:45:20]Support circles of friends. Those friends who you can call when you're feeling emotionally overloaded and they'll drop everything and find their way to you. Therapy, coaching, spiritual direction. Those are systems, emotional systems. Emotional processing habits.

[00:45:37]Because for many of us, emotional process processing is overeating or undereating. binge watching Netflix or whatever or just going extreme on everything that doesn't help us. So check how do you process your emotions? Do you eat your emotions?

[00:45:56]One mandazi after another. I remember a friend of mine telling me I told her what is going on. She told me Pat, thank you for being honest. Everyone has been scatting around the issue. I said what's going on? You've gained so much weight and I know this is actually a medical situation. She told me do you know I gained this weight one muffin at after another. one muffin at a time and she loved to bake muffins and she's like those are the first things you're going to do stop baking them even for the season that you have to do something about your health just get rid of that from your kitchen so what are emotional processing habits family conversations those are ways in which you can actually manage what is called invisible emotional labor a third system household systems H not perfection, but rhythm, rhythm, rhythm.

[00:46:47]Meal planning. One of my friends who teaches um the Brides for Life program, Chef Wimo, teaches us how to do menu planning. Four weeks. H four weeks. And you're not breaking the bank. Do you have a four-week menu for breakfast, for dinner, and even how to repurpose repurpose meals that you know last evening's dinner? How can you repurpose it to be tasty? shared responsibilities.

[00:47:14]Is it only you who does everything in your home?

[00:47:18]Digital calendars, routines for children. At some point, there were so many things going on. I had to even have just everything on a wall. So and so is going for ballet, so and so is going for tennis. So and so piano, so and so has tion, so and so. I'm like, this is project management per excellence. Do not underestimate the things you do, ladies, in the different forms of maternity delegation.

[00:47:42]If you can hire somebody to help you, that home assistant, train her, give her a contract, give her leave days, have performance conversations, give her uniform so she doesn't tire out her clothes with your housework, give her gloves, give her an apron, one type for the kitchen, one for the for the bathroom, gloves to clean the toilet, um, a different set of gloves for even cutting uh, vegetables. I mean, you deserve it. But the first thing is we are the ones to build those systems.

[00:48:14]Health systems. Women often nurture everybody except ourselves. Movement, sleep. I talked about when is the last time you had a medical checkup? Does your car get a medical uh does your car get routine maintenance and service more than you your body does? H because that one even you have a trigger at so many kilometers. I'm taking the car in for service. What about you? Are you just self-medicating?

[00:48:41]Do you have realistic exercise routines, not the ones of today I've exercised 2 hours and the next time I'll exercise is 3 months away. It's better to do 10 minutes consistently than this bursts of a lot of unrealistic exercise routines.

[00:48:56]A depleted woman will always struggle to nurture her maternity sustainably.

[00:49:02]Relationship systems. What about intentional connections with your spouse, with your children, mother child, with friends, mentorship rhythms, friendship touch points, device free conversations, hey, that's a big one.

[00:49:17]And family rituals. What are the rituals and culture you're developing in your family? The one you're creating or the one you came from? Financial systems. We talked about that earlier. Budgeting, insurance, emergency funds. If you didn't have an income, how many months can you survive? What's the runway without an income coming in? It's a hard question. We talked about this at the prosperity summit that was hosted by Edith Sidondo and profit acumen. Then work and leadership systems. What's your calendar discipline? How do you say no kindly? Not no. No is a one is a full sentence. That's very rude by the way.

[00:49:55]No is not a full sentence. Say no thank you. No. Let me show you who I can can delegate this to. No, I'm not able to make it. But let me tell you, so and so is even a better speaker. Say no strategically and kindly. Focused work blocks. When I was when I'm right, I'm now writing my sixth book. And there are spaces where I don't want to be anywhere near a gadget. I just want to write right. And we'll be launching it at your next best self September 26th.

[00:50:22]Delegation and boundaries around over functioning. Even boundaries against yourself.

[00:50:28]So I just want to encourage you to audit your systems. James Allen in his book atomic James Clear in his book atomic habits says you don't rise to the quality of your vision. No matter how beautiful my vision board looks right here, you actually fall to the level of your systems.

[00:50:47]What systems do you have to nurture maternity?

[00:50:51]Now I see there someone saying I'm listening from Westlands. I've learned to offer my work and task as a prayer with intention. I'm a workaholic, so this would give me purpose. Great. Thank you so much for for telling us what you've taken away, but make sure you build in time for rest so that as much as you love your work and you're doing a lot of it, finding times to renew? Now, do temperaments affect do temperaments affect Let me read that question. Do temperaments affect how we embrace maternity? That's such a powerful question.

[00:51:24]Now I I want to talk a little bit about temperaments although that's such a big topic right I have found that um we have to move away from the one size fits everyone kind of maternity right and I do think that um temperaments actually affect how we experience and express maternity not whether we nurture but how we nurture. For example, a highly relational, expressive um woman may nurture through warmth, affection, hugs, conversation, high energy, emotional presence. But another one who has a more introverted kind of temperament may actually nurture through providing stability, listening keenly, organizing, protecting, and practical support.

[00:52:19]Another even more quieter melancholic one will nurture through prayer, through silence, through wisdom, through discernment. And so they bring in a very different but very valuable piece. And a visionary or energetic temperament may nurture through inspiration, opportunity creation, encouragement, and pushing others towards growth.

[00:52:46]Which is your style? All can be deeply maternal but each one is expressed differently. So I think one of the things I want to encourage you that I think I write in my book pose is do not this is the book pose and I think that image h the year I wrote this book I had really burnt out. I needed to renew my word of the year was renewal.

[00:53:09]So you can see even the picture I chose was a woman on a hammock. Huh. the dream of what I wanted to experience. And I just want to mention here, never allow someone's opinion of you to become your central source of worthiness. You're a child of God and worthy in your own right. And then quote 26, cuz it's a book of quotes. Comparison robs you of your joy. Procrastination robs you of your progress. I'll share these quotes on the group and encourage you to if you'd like to get a copy. Comparing yourself, if I'm more introverted, comparing myself with an extrovert is actually not good. Compare yourself with who you were yesterday and see whether you can become a little better. A little better. Temperament shapes the style of your maternity but not the value of it.

[00:53:58]You see the difference? And I hope Lisa that has answered your question. And so when all is said and done, I see some people talking about their takeaways.

[00:54:07]Thank you, Nina. My takeaway today, current purpose with humility. So, as we get to the tail end, get to the tail end. Any final comments? I'm just looking out for comments.

[00:54:20]I want to end with a blessing for each and every one of you in whichever season you are of maternity because I know some of us are hoping for maternity through the womb. You've been married and you're wondering when will this child come. I want to ask you to learn to surrender. It is very hard.

[00:54:39]Doctors would tell us relax. It was even more annoying. But the minute I learned to let go and realize that even children you receive from the womb are not ours.

[00:54:49]They're a gift. And you don't demand for a gift, they are a gift that comes from God and we steward them and take care of them and return them back to God.

[00:55:01]If we know that, it changes everything.

[00:55:04]I know some of us are in a season where we are parenting our parents.

[00:55:10]So there's a whole range but I want to encourage you what a privilege it is to take care of your parents. And so as I close it's one minute to the top of the hour as you share your comments here and in the group. I want to speak a blessing over each and every one of us in whichever season of maternity you're facing. On on the 26th we'll be talking about the 40s. Some of you have joined us for the 20s and the 30s. Thank you so much for those uh for showing up. We're going to have the 40s and next week and the 50s and 60s. We're combining and we'll do that in June. And I'll even have a guest speaker for that. So, I hope we'll see many of you in the 40s.

[00:55:51]But I want to speak a blessing for you and over you in whichever season you are in your season of maternity. Remember, we talked about five five types of maternity. Some of you are nurturing children. Some of you are nurturing dreams. You're nurturing families, friendships, communities, teams, healing, culture, purpose, younger women, younger men. While some of you are still praying and hoping for maternity through the womb, I just want to honor you in whichever season you are. To those waiting, to those trusting, to those even questioning, and I've been there, so I know those hoping and sometimes hurting quietly. May you find grace in surrender and being receptive.

[00:56:44]It is not easy. No matter what people tell you. But over time, I've come to realize that even the children we receive from the womb are only God's.

[00:56:56]They are gifts.

[00:56:58]And whatever form of maternity you're experiencing now, it is what God intended for you to experience today to experience in this season with its pain, its tears, its sweat, its exhaustion. It is worthwhile and I think the world would radically become very negative the minute we stop living that maternity.

[00:57:23]So may God bless the work of your hands and of your heart.

[00:57:27]the prayers you carry and the life you nurture in the world around you in different ways. May your maternity be blessed now. And may we lean on our blessed virgin Mary, mother of God, to show us how to truly live maternity the feminine genius way. My name is Dr. Patricia Morugami.

[00:57:53]I am a mother of many, a mentor of many.

[00:57:56]I've even been called a midwife because my purpose is to help you become your next best self. And I hope that this women of substance session that all of you are watching that you share this link is going to help you rebirth and become your next best self. Look for other people to take care of you. You take care of other people so that eventually there'll be no one in the world who has not experienced the maternity of the heart. God bless you and thank you very much.

[00:58:43]Thank you very much for the comments. I appreciate