an honest grief update + we're moving?

Added: 2026-06-08

[00:00:02]I'm still waiting on the day that grief gets better because I have yet to see that day.

[00:00:12]Every day I wake up empty and some days are better than others obviously but like the apathy and the like agony that I feel some days I'm just like feeling behind and feeling like I can't catch up and feeling like I can't have a solid steady 7-day week where like every single day I'm like on track or I feel remotely somewhat normal. I have yet to find it. I have yet to experience it and it's crazy losing both my parents because I feel like when I lost my mom I could call my dad.

[00:01:00]And then to lose him so soon after it feels like I didn't even catch my breath.

[00:01:08]>> [sighs and gasps] >> It's hard because I just want to move forward and heal and like take care of my nervous system but I just feel like every time I take a few steps forward I take 10 back and I feel like I'm just constantly trying to [ __ ] catch up.

[00:01:29]Like I don't want my entire channel to be just about grief and just about like healing and like I feel like I'm constantly trying to better myself no matter what and like sitting through this [ __ ] grief and pain is just like it gets overwhelming.

[00:01:48]>> [sighs] >> Sometimes you just got to [ __ ] chug a Diet Coke about it. I swear to god. I have a lot of like really exciting things happening soon. Well, one major exciting thing.

[00:02:05]>> [snorts] >> Um, but I do feel like with like work and content and like social media, I feel like I am having a hard time catching up and some days like reading is hard and I don't even know if like this is the kind of content that you guys want to see, like my healing journey and like my grief process. I don't want to make my entire account a grief channel. Like I don't want it to take over my life, but this is a big part of my life right now and I just like want some reprieve.

[00:02:39]I'm tired of my body being in fight or flight.

[00:02:43]I'm just I'm I'm struggling with that and I have somatic therapy coming up.

[00:02:48]Tomorrow is our couples therapy, but Thursday is my somatic therapy with Elise. Thank god because I feel like I'm literally going to die. And I had like a pretty good morning. Like Brian stats and I took Poncho to go get groomed and like we had a great morning together.

[00:03:06]It's just weird cuz like grief sets in on the in the most unexpected ways.

[00:03:11]It's just nothing is the same.

[00:03:13]It won't ever be the same and living a life that I like I It's like a timeline jump. Like I just don't recognize myself right now.

[00:03:23]And I feel like typically with timeline jumps, it's like a good thing and I just feel like I'm still waiting for my feet to hit the ground. Like that's how it feels. Like I'm jumping in mid-air. I was just talking to one of my best friends about this the other day.

[00:03:38]I'm just tired. I'm just [ __ ] tired and I'm tired of feeling like I have to hold it together all the time. I know that's like not true, but [ __ ] necklace is tangled.

[00:03:50]I have this one charm that's my grandma's initial. It's an L and this [ __ ] gets [ __ ] tangled all the time and it's so typical of her to like be dramatic in that way and cause a ruckus.

[00:04:05]I probably shouldn't wear two necklaces at once. Usually I use like three, but I like it. I like the way it looks. I love jewelry, obviously. You guys know. Maybe I should come out with my own jewelry line. I'm just [ __ ] babbling now.

[00:04:19]Anyways, I'm just struggling today. I feel like I can't [ __ ] catch up. I have a like laundry piles of laundry that I need to wash and before we left for our trip, like I had cleaned everything, vacuumed, like deep cleaned everything and now I'm like I did not keep that up. By the time I got back, like our shit's still everywhere.

[00:04:40]I haven't done laundry. I need to vacuum. I said to Brian, like I feel like I'm [ __ ] failing.

[00:04:45]Like it with everything. Like I just feel like I can't [ __ ] get my [ __ ] together and I just I'm so apathetic about it that I'm just like I don't really care.

[00:04:55]And that's not great either, so Like truly the only thing that gets me out of bed is Poncho. He's literally the only thing that gets me out of bed. And not to like be poor me victim because like I know like that's not what my parents would want and blah blah blah blah blah which when you say [ __ ] like that, it's not helpful. Just so everybody knows. Like I know that logically. I know that logically. I do. But the trauma of like losing my parents within four weeks of each other has really affected my nervous system and it makes me afraid of losing other people in my life and I have like a trauma response at this point if anything, if I get a phone call randomly or someone's having a medical issue or a medical procedure, it's like I get really bad anxiety and we have like family members that have things that they experience and I just like really struggle with the thought of losing them.

[00:05:49]Ugh.

[00:05:50]So, I'm like working through that with therapy, so is Brian. But, yeah, I don't know. This is just like my reality right now, and it's a bad day, not a bad life, not a bad forever, just a bad day. And [clears throat] I just wanted to film it because I just haven't really talked about it in a while or like been open about it in a while.

[00:06:11]And I'm not trying to like poor me victim, like I said, it's just like this is grief. It's up and it's down, and I'm having to live >> [snorts] >> live this new reality without my parents.

[00:06:25]And they were both imperfect and flawed human beings and individuals, but I miss them and I love them. And I met them where they were at in our relationship and appreciated what they could give me, and I miss them. I miss them. And uh yeah, so.

[00:06:44]>> [sighs] >> I'm not posting this for sympathy or anything like that. I'm just sharing my experience like I have in the past, and I feel like I haven't really been able to do that in a while, so.

[00:06:56]Anyways, thanks. Thanks for listening to me.

[00:07:29]Hi vlog.

[00:07:31]>> Hello there, mates.

[00:07:32]>> We are in Florida. We came out here for a week. First of all, it's my sister's birthday, but we're here to tour houses to move to Florida. And I know what you're going to say.

[00:07:46]Sammy and Brian, what happened to moving back to San Diego? Well, let me tell you. My parents died.

[00:07:54]My parents decided to croak on us. So, >> Rude.

[00:07:57]>> Rude, exactly. Rude. Plans changed. For the next couple years, we want to be closer to my family, my sisters, you know, and prioritize family and also have a new adventure.

[00:08:11]>> Mhm.

[00:08:11]>> So, we are moving to Florida. And I haven't lived in Florida since I was like 10 years old. So, we're going to be romanticizing it. It is going to be Lana Del Rey Southern Gothic Summer. Are you kidding me? Her album's coming out, so it's going to be perfect. I'm very excited. So, we've been touring houses is my point. We just got done with one this morning, just now. We're not huge fans of it, but we applied to one the other day.

[00:08:38]And I'll put a clip in here of us doing that.

[00:08:41]>> That took a long time.

[00:08:43]>> It took too [ __ ] long, dude.

[00:08:44]>> I like I just did a job, bro, but we did it.

[00:08:47]>> Hey, you ready?

[00:08:48]>> Let's do it.

[00:08:48]>> Submit application. 1 2 3 >> Click.

[00:08:52]>> It was perfect, and we don't hear back until Wednesday whether or not we've been approved. But, in the meantime, we have a couple more places that we're touring. Do we leave Wednesday morning back to Arizona? And we're just going to vibe today. I'm very excited.

[00:09:08]So, yeah.

[00:09:31]We just got a text.

[00:09:33]>> Aw, yeah.

[00:09:34]>> Saying, "Hello, Samantha and Brian.

[00:09:37]Congratulations. The owners have accepted your applications to rent their home. There will be a next step letter going to your emails this afternoon and I'll try calling one of you shortly after this. Yay!

[00:09:47]>> That's awesome.

[00:09:48]>> We got accepted.

[00:09:49]>> We were a wee bit nervous.

[00:09:52]>> A little bit nervous.

[00:09:52]>> We've been nervous. There's a lot of extra documents cuz we're self-employed.

[00:09:55]>> Yeah.

[00:09:56]>> And so we don't like have the traditional route.

[00:09:58]>> Right.

[00:09:59]>> And so it was a lot of like, "Well, I'll we'll we'll let you know." And I'm like, "I'm sending you every single document I possibly can find."

[00:10:06]>> Yeah.

[00:10:06]>> And we were crossing our fingers, but we just got the text.

[00:10:10]>> You did it. Good job, babe.

[00:10:12]>> Going to be Floridians, baby.

[00:10:14]>> I knew the first place that I booked >> call it.

[00:10:17]>> I was like, "That's going to be it. I just have a feeling. I just know cuz I'm psychic. Like that's it." And then she had to reschedule the tour to [snorts] the following day, like after we got in.

[00:10:28]We toured in a couple places first and I was like, "Eh." And then we toured it after she had rescheduled and I was like, "This is it. I knew this was going to be it." And we got it.

[00:10:39]>> Such a sick house.

[00:10:40]>> I'm so excited.

[00:10:42]>> will be seeing very much of it.

[00:10:43]>> Yes.

[00:10:44]>> Turner and Rachel's Q new household.

[00:10:45]>> I'm very, very excited. I'm super happy.

[00:10:47]Yay!

[00:10:48]We did it. We did it.

[00:10:50]>> So bomb.

[00:10:51]>> We did it.

[00:10:52]>> Now begins the real journey.

[00:10:53]>> Which is going home, packing all of our [ __ ] >> Turbo mode.

[00:10:57]>> Turbo speed.

[00:10:58]>> weeks. 4 weeks to make things happen and get across country with everything.

[00:11:04]>> And work, make content, make money all at the same time. We're going to get our cat when we move in here. There's a lot to happen in 4 weeks. But like would it be a Turner anything if we weren't on a mission? Probably not. So Yay!

[00:11:24]>> it.

[00:11:24]>> You know what we do it.

[00:11:25]>> 100 miles an hour.